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Christmas poem for our legal department

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  • Christmas poem for our legal department

    (Legal Version)
    Author Unknown

    Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain
    improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of
    stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

    A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and
    around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/
    St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime

    The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House, were
    located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations,
    i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited
    to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in
    said dreams.

    Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as
    "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the
    second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained
    period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of
    headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)

    Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the
    unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a
    certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of
    the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the
    cause of such disturbance.

    At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of
    wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being
    pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8)
    reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the
    previously referenced Claus.

    Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the
    approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal
    co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder
    and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is
    further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named Rudolph may have been

    The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
    intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences
    located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle
    was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or
    nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or
    implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the

    Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue
    from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the
    aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what
    appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances
    and health regulations.

    Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor
    children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts.
    (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the
    applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.) Upon completion of such task, Claus
    touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of
    the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as
    "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

    However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House,
    the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry
    Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.
    All postings by BadOrderKing are public information, works of fiction, sometimes resembling the rants of a madman and in no way should be construed to represent the positions, views, or thoughts of any particular railroad carrier. No one listens to him anyway.

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