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Two for the price of one

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  • Two for the price of one

    Husband's call:

    "Honey it's me. I don't want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have checked me over and done some tests and some x-rays.

    The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately it did not cause any serious internal injury. However I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate my right foot if it doesn't heal quickly."

    However, the doctors feel the foot can be treated and I will be OK, but they just need to monitor the foot for a few days. I'm in room 406 at Baptist East.

    Wife's Response: "Who is Paula?"

    And if you find that hard to believe, you've never been married.


    Frank is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

    One evening, Mildred, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Frank turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"

    She asks, "What?"

    "Sex," he replies.

    Mildred exclaims, "Why you old toot. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"

    "I know," Frank says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."

    "Well, I can oblige with that," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Frank's thingie.

    Then one night Frank didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find him and make sure he is O.K. She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Frank's little Pal.

    Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing son-of-a-gun! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"

    Old Frank smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's."