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Bad Jokes

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  • Bad Jokes

    Post your really bad jokes here.............

    A scientist was doing an experiment on a frog in his lab. He placed the frog down on the floor and said "Frog jump!" The frog jumped 4 feet and so he noted in his notebook "frog with 4 legs, jumps 4 feet." He then cut off one of the frogs legs and again said "Frog jump!" The frog jumped only 3 feet this time and so he noted in his notebook "frog with 3 legs, jumps 3 feet." He cut off a 2nd leg and said "Frog jump!" This time the frog only jumped 2 feet and so he noted "frog with 2 legs, jumps 2 feet." He then cut off a 3rd leg and again said "Frog jump!" The frog only jumped a foot and so he noted "frog with 1 leg, jumps 1 foot." The scientist then cut off the frogs last remaining leg and said "Frog jump!, Frog jump!, FROG JUMP!!!!!" but the frog did not move. so he noted "frog with 0 legs, deaf"

  • #2
    Know what you call a dog with no legs?

    Doesn't matter....he's not going to come anyway.
    "A guy can't just sit around." Lawnchair Larry


    • #3
      I wonder if Helen Keller could see the humor in her jokes.


      • #4
        Originally posted by BOK View Post
        I wonder if Helen Keller could see the humor in her jokes.

        Like the Helen Keller doll. You wind it up & it walks into the wall.


        • #5
          How does a Leper hockey team play hockey? They have a face off.

          How does the Capt on a leper ship call his crew? All hands on deck.

          Did you hear about the cannibal that "passed" his brother in the woods.


          • #6
            If a woman is driving through a parking lot and someone backs out of a parking spot causing a wreck, what was she doing out of the kitchen to begin with?


            • #7
              What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

              Nothin', you already told her twice!

              Why do women have smaller feet then men?

              So they can stand closer to the stove!
              "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." - Confucius


              • #8
                What does the battered woman do as soon as she gets out of the hospital? She does the dishes if she knows whats good for her.


                • #9
                  Mommy can we play with grandpa? No, you already dug him up twice this week.

                  Mommy what is a transvestite? Shut up and unhook daddys bra.

                  Mommy grandma has a bruise. Shut up and eat around it.


                  • #10
                    Q: Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
                    A: Neither has he!

                    Q: How did Stevie Wonder meet his wife?
                    A: Blind date.

                    Q: How do you break Steve Wonder's neck?
                    A: Speed up the music.

                    Q: What goes ring-ring, ring-ring, ring, Ahhhhhhh!
                    A: Stevie Wonder answering the iron

                    Q: What did Stevie Wonder's mother do for punishment?
                    A: Rearrange the furniture.

                    Q: What's the fastest thing on land?
                    A: Stevie Wonder's speedboat

                    Q: Why does Stevie Wonder always smile?
                    A: No one's told him he's black yet.

                    Q: Why hasn't Stevie Wonder written a hit in years?
                    A: He dropped his pencil!

                    Stevie Wonder walks into a shop swinging a dog above his head.
                    The shop owner says "Can I help you?"
                    Stevie Wonder say "No I'm just having a look around"


                    • #11
                      At Yellowstone National Park a Park Ranger was giving a short orientation class to tourists who had never been to the park before.

                      The ranger handed out plastic bags to each tourist and then told them the bags contained a wrist band with tiny bells attached along with a can of pepper spray. He informed them to wear the wrist bands and keep the pepper spray in their pocket at all time while hiking. Bears will hear the bells long before you encounter them and will avoid you, the ranger said. Use the pepper spray only as a last resort.

                      Finally the ranger explained that they could tell if a bear had been in the area they were hiking in if they encountered bear droppings along the trail. He informed them that black bear droppings were full of seeds, hair and tiny bones. Grizzly droppings contained lots and lots of tiny bells and smells like pepper spray.
                      "A guy can't just sit around." Lawnchair Larry


                      • #12
                        Not sure that qualifies as a bad joke. Guess we need a new tread for old jokes!


                        • #13
                          Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. The bartender says to her, "why the long face?"



                          • #14
                            Man walks into a bar orders a "shingled roof". Bar maid says what is a shingled roof? Mans says its "on the house'.


                            • #15
                              A dying man smells his favorite cookies baking. He crawls out of bed and down to the kitchen. He reaches for a cookie and his wife says. " You cant have one they are for your funeral dinner.