YardLimits.com - Comedy Central

28 Idunno's

1984GMC — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 19:06:46 GMT

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12.. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13.. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17.. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21.. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25.. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?

I dunno, why do we?

Carlin - American Dream

railroad76 — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 01:54:25 GMT

Funny local news interviews

Coyote — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 16:16:19 GMT

The Funniest Local News Interviews Of All Time (VIDEO)

Global warming...

1984GMC — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 13:43:14 GMT

YouTube- George Carlin On Global Warming Scam

Welfare

1984GMC — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 13:21:36 GMT

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up the counter and said, "Hi. You know...., I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and body guard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2010 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.
This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to
satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex
drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well ...You started it."

George Carlin on The Tonight Show

Coyote — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 16:17:20 GMT

YouTube- George Carlin's Amazing Tonight Show Performance

Idiot waiting for 'ghost' train, gets killed by real one.

TheOne — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 15:26:50 GMT

Remember,

Darwin ALWAYS wins!

'Ghost train' hunter killed by train in North Carolina - CNN.com

America 1950 vs America 2010

starzn — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 01:34:40 GMT

Oh dang... no joke but funny as heck cause we've been played, reamed, screwed and lied to and yet so many still buy into it all.

America 1950 Vs. America 2010

Posted by Admin | Posted in Politics | Posted on 13-08-2010

10

1950: The total U.S. national debt is about 257 billion dollars.
2010: The U.S. national debt is increasing by over 4 billion dollars per day.
1950: If a member of Congress doesn't tell the truth it is a felony.
2010: If a member of Congress doesn't tell the truth they are just playing politics.
1950: Americans dress up in suits and dresses to get on an airplane.
2010: Americans are forced to walk through full body security scanners that give gawking security workers a clear view of their naked bodies before they can get on an airplane.
1950: American schoolchildren openly read the Word of God and pray in public schools.
2010: Attempting to read your Bible or pray in a public school will get you slapped with a lawsuit by the ACLU.
1950: Wealth redistribution is considered communist and anti-American.
2010: Wealth redistribution is the official policy of the U.S. government.
1950: The U.S. Constitution is deeply loved and highly revered.
2010: Federal authorities are instructed to be on the lookout for anyone who talks about the U.S. Constitution too much because they might be a domestic terrorist.
1950: Mass murderers are executed and unborn babies are protected by law.
2010: Unborn babies are being mass murdered and mass murderers are protected by law from being executed in many states.
1950: We mobilize the entire U.S. military to protect the borders of South Korea.
2010: The U.S. government barely lifts a finger to do anything about the millions of gang members, drug dealers and serial criminals that are pouring across America's borders.
1950: We actually attempt to parent our children.
2010: We pump our kids full of Ritalin and let video games and television raise our children.
1950: If a company makes too many bad decisions they go out of business.
2010: If you have connections in high places or you are "too big to fail" your business gets bailed out by the U.S. government.
1950: Socialized medicine is considered a bizarre scheme that only communist nations would be stupid enough to attempt.
2010: Congress and the president ram a bill down the throats of the American people that they did not want which basically socializes our entire health care system.
1950: The American people believe that the free market should run the economy.
2010: The American people are told that the U.S. government and the Federal Reserve should run the economy.
1950: American industry provides great jobs for hard working Americans and the United States has the biggest middle class in the world.
2010: Giant global predator corporations ship our manufacturing base and millions of great jobs to the third world and our politicians pretend that it is our fault when we can't get jobs.
1950: Cities such as Detroit, Michigan are shining examples of the great American economic machine.
2010: Cities such as Detroit, Michigan are decaying, rusted-out war zones where houses sell for as little as one dollar.
1950: The United States lends more money to other nations than any other country in the world.
2010: The United States borrows more money from other nations than any other country in the world.
1950: The American people are the envy of the world.
2010: The American people are some of the fattest people on the planet.
1950: The American people are extremely well read and are deeply interested in politics.
2010: The American people are obsessed with American Idol, Dancing With The Stars and with how their favorite sports teams are doing.
1950: If children act up they are tanned on the behind and taught a lesson.
2010: If children act up they are told they have ADHD and pumped full of pharmaceutical drugs.
1950: Communists and socialists are considered dangerous extremists and the American people are taught to love the U.S. Constitution.
2010: Those who love the U.S. Constitution are considered dangerous extremists and we have a communist in the White House.

I'm Totally Gonna Sniff It

bejohnson — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 02:41:42 GMT

Nutsack joke

blizzard07 — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 01:33:00 GMT

Too True...

Nominated as the best short joke this year...
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles While taking a bath.

"Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

Need A Name Change or Truth in Labeling?

bejohnson — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 22:48:08 GMT